November 29, 2016

Life – lost and found

(Also published on the Elephant Journal) A few days ago I lost my phone. It was on silent mode, hence I couldn’t call from another phone and locate it. I had used it that same evening to order pizza. But I couldn’t remember for the life of me where I had left it. So I kept looking for it frantically. One hour. Many hours. Feeling some sort of separation anxiety. Finally I got tired and went to bed, hoping the next morning would bring better news. That day I had been going through existential anxiety bouts since morning. What am […]
October 9, 2016

Is this a good time?

Recently I saw a video of a guy rolling down a very rough and high hill, the caption of which said “this is how 2016 treated me”. I could say that for my last year as well. I had started 2015 with what logically was the best job of my career. We had bought our first house in Amsterdam that we refurbished exactly like we wanted. Soon after I had signed my book deal. I was doing dance performances with my troupe. I was travelling the world. Staying in the best of hotels. Eating at the best of restaurants. There […]
August 24, 2016

Taking a break from myself

I talked in my previous blog about my interest in spirituality and my failed attempts at meditation. I also talked about having read books after books trying to know, find and learn – to the extent that all books started saying exactly the same thing to me after a point. And yet I remember nothing from those books. There is nothing that I can quote or summarize. And that, might just be the whole point. Remembering nothing. Unlearning. Someday eventually reaching the point where I know absolutely nothing and can only experience. Removing all layers of conditioning and masked truths […]